Change. Our world is fraught with it. Entropy reigns.
I’m a big fan of entropy and am drawn to it. It’s inherent in every thing on this planet, living or not. As Yeats once wrote, “Things fall apart.” What we perceive as cycles is the onset of entropy in our universe. One of my favorite bands, Oingo Boingo and the immensely talented Danny Elfman said it best.
NO ONE LIVES FOREVER.
We begin dying the moment we are born. It’s what we do in between that matters. But only if we make it matter.
Writing, for me, is meaning. We are often cautioned against letting things define us, but no one has ever presented me a good reason as to why.
I am a writer.
I have been a writer.
I will be a writer.
These statements are made with decisiveness and passion. These past days and weeks have found me going internal, delving deep into the core of my identity, taking stock of where I am now in contrast to where I was five, ten years ago. And it has become clear that it is time for me to move forward. Sometimes we get overly comfortable doing our “routine,” whatever that may be. I find solace in routine. It calms me when I feel that I am not in control of any aspect of my life. It’s hard to change, to step outside our comfort zones. Routine dulls down those jagged edges of doubt and fear of the unknown.
Sometimes wisdom comes from unexpected places. Here’s what an online friend recently posted:
…even when you step outside of a box, you’re in a new one. Maybe it’s larger, but it’s still a box. Constantly evolving self-reflection is crucial.
It’s imperative to recognize and know what we need for our own survival. When we make a choice, we must invest our whole selves into the outcome. I have spent over a decade consciously getting to this moment. Every step has either moved me closer or farther away from my original goal:
We’re not talking articles, essays, or poetry here. Novels. Screenplays. That’s what I’m referring to. The process of educating myself how best to reach my goal of publishing a novel or screenplay has often been difficult, sometimes meandering, but always with my mind on the prize. And now I have committed to making it a reality.
Two weeks ago, I took an unexpected step, one that I hadn’t seen myself taking. I’ve worked with coaches (hell, I am a coach), and I’ve done all the heavy lifting needed to get me here. And so I contracted an individual whose background and credentials I have researched until I feel I know him better than he might know himself (doubtful, but I like the hyperbole). I reached out, and the universe responded.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this life, it’s that there’s absolutely no shame in asking for help.
Beginning mid-August, I will be working one-0n-one with another author in getting my first to-be-published novel ready. I’m a whiz at creating drafts…but that final step has vexed me, eluded me.
Or maybe I harbor a secret fear of success. It sure seems that way sometimes.
And so I begin